tell us something about your vet, just a sentence or two.........

Dot

Branch of service your vet served in..... My husband served in the US Navy 64-67
Years he served....years in Vietnam..... He served 2 tours in Nam 64-66, one tour was off shore and 2nd tour he served in country and was considered Brownwater Navy.
About me..... Married over 30 years to same guy, one daughter, married with 1 granddaughter and one on the way. My profession is an insurance agent and also office manager.
About my husband..... Data Security office GMAC - We are both very active in VVA/AVVA- both of us serving at the national level.
Advice to others..... Do not be afraid to talk to others if dealing with PTSD/Substance Abuse/ seek help.

Gail Sisco

My husband was in the Army for 4 years and served two years in Vietnam. He was wounded during his 2nd year there. He was diagnosed with PTSD and depression almost 4 years ago and it has been rough. He was working at the VA Hospital in White River Junction but had to take a disability retirement because of his illness. It really has been a sturggle for both of us.

I am a part-time bookkeeper at The Haven in White River (which is a homeless shelter), and really believe it has helped me to deal. I went to work just before he retired and believe if I had been home 24/7 I might not have been able to.

I joined a group at the Vets Center for wives/girlfriends, etc., of these veterans and it has been a Godsend for me. I have made new friends with women who are in the same boat as I am and some have been there a lot longer than me. Their experiences have helped me to understand what has happened and how to take care of myself and my husband. We have a nurse, Mady Tobias, who is our leader. She has studied PTSD and helped the veterans and their spouses/friends for quite a few years. Her knowledge and teachings are invaluable to me.

Right now the Group has stopped meeting for the summer. We are looking for new members so if anyone wants to join us please call Mady at the Vets Center in White River.

The only advice I can think of at this moment is to keep your head up and above all else take care of yourself. I love my veteran with all my heart but he is the one that has to take care of himself. I can't do it for him. (That was a hard lesson for me to learn). Love the man, hate the illness.

kaw0146

Branch of service your vet served in..... Air Force
years in Vietnam..... 1968-69
Ttell us something about YOU..... Wife and mother. Work full-time at a health insurance company. A strong supporter of the reform for the broken VA system. We just live one day at a time. We don't know how much longer we will be together on this earth.
Tell us something about your vet..... Has bone cancer from exposure to AO. Underwent a bone marrow transplant in December 1999. Awarded service connected pension June 2001 after a 2.5 year fight with VA.
Do you have any questions for others..... I am considering quitting my full time job and will loose my health insurance benefits. Will ChampVA be good enough health insurance coverage for me?
Do you have any advice that may be helpful to others..... Never give up your fight against VA for your husband's rights! It is a hard job but often your husbands can't do it themselves.

Please note that Ruth has a new email address and that her info has been moved further down the page.

Kathy

Hi,
What a wonderful note.
My vet served 1 year in country, 70-71, 18-1/2 years total in military. He was Army all the way.
I am learning to live one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. We have been married almost 25 years and I would not trade those years for the world.
He works very hard at mental health issues and it is a daily struggle for him. He's lost a lot, but through it all we have stayed by each other.
No questions for now, the only advice is to any woman dealing with these issues is to DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU, you deserve it.
Kathy

Judy Gillon

Hi Marie
Thank you for starting up your newsletter once again. I know it takes time and committment to keep it going. Here's to you! Good job!

branch served in: USMC grunt with the "Walking Dead"
years served: 11 years, 3 tours in Nam, wounded several times

me: mother of 2 girls, grandmother/mother 6 yr. old girl & 9 yr. old boy; avid reader, enjoy swimming, long walks on beach, genealogy, spiritual pursuits, some gardening, just started cake decorating for grandkids; age 56, few close friends, caring for aged father, feeling sandwiched.

vet: married 29 years (1st marriage for both), joined USMC age 18, enjoys most music, football on TV with neighbors, dining, videos, disability retirement from gov't job, 100% disabled vet (emotional); grandfather/father to 6 and 9 year olds.

questions: Can we start a discussion group on the web? I miss my contact with my old group of Vets Wives?

advice: read a lot and have good contact with other wives who have "been there". It helps keep your sanity. I also have a webpage at http://judyg333.homestead.com/wives.html that you may find interesting.

Lanette Suggs

My husband, William C. Suggs, served in the US Army. Mannheim, Germany 9mos...then volunteered for service in-country. He was stationed in Chu Lai, Vietnam from Oct 1968-April 1970. 132nd 1st Air Cav, chopper door-gunner. Sgt. E5 and crew chief.

About me: I am a realtor and mother of two. William and I will celebrate our 30 wedding anniversary Dec 3rd, 2001. I love this man with all my heart and soul, but its been very hard. The rages, the coldness, the drinking, the 'no remorse', the shame and refusal to seek help for PTSD.

About my Vet: He suffers from PTSD, but refuses to seek help or acknowledge it. He suffers from intense Chloracne, peripheral neuropathy and abnormal liver function due to exposure to AO. He is in the midst of his 3rd appeal with the VA benefits division, and has been fighting them for years. He has all the necessary data required. Even a competent surgeon who wrote a letter for him concerning the treatment of areas behind the ears within the 1 year cutoff required by the VA. All the briefs describing Chloracne speak of behind the ears being the most severely affected. All this...and he was still denied.

Questions for others: Have any of you seen the indifference, coldness and depression seem to spiral downward after 8 or 9 years after their return...and just keep going down until you wonder who this man is....wearing your husbands clothes?

Advice: Seek an outlet for yourself. Just you. Go to dinner wth friends, take trips, learn an art or craft. Don't become a poor pitiful me (at one time I did), volunteer at a safehouse, and one of the most valuable things to do is keep a journal. Mine are called 'morning pages'. First thing ...I write down everthing I feel ...good & bad. I vent on paper, I set goals, I remember, I forget and I keep my head up and push forward.

Patricia Oakman

My Vietnam Vet served in the Navyfor four years and went to Vietnam as a Marine Corpsman 1969/70. He has never been the same.

I am working as a Medical Secretary at the VA Medical Center here where we live. I have worked here for 20 years. Flower gardening is my passion! I start in the spring and end in the fall. We have three children - a boy and two girls - all grown. And we have two super grandsons - ten and twelve. Children of Vietnam vets are great - very resilient - after surviving living for years in a dysfunctional environment.

My Vietnam Vet has a medical disability retirement from his nursing position at the Vet Center here and 100 percent disablity from the US Government. He worked as a nurse for 17 years and then crashed about five years ago. We have both attended groups at the Vet Center for over 10 years and individual and couples therapy there as well. The Vet Center in White River Jct, VT is an awesome place. When my husband became disabled, I was very scared, but we have been married for thirty-five years this summer and we have managed to survive this. I hope to retire next year and find something more fun and flexible to do.

I have one question for others. Is your Vietnam Vet able to start and finish projects? Mine has a terrible time doing this. He does much better if he works on a very definitive project.

My only advice would be to hang in there and make sure to have the courage to ask for the help you feel you need. I have attended the Wives Group at the Vet Center for over 10 years. I know living with PTSD is very difficult at times, but I don't regret it. My daughter has asked me from time to time over the years why I have stayed with her father. But I know now she is glad that I have.

Joy Lynn Richards
Marie, so we are up and running....so glad...I have missed you.

Army--Americal 123rd Av BN Chu Lia
served from 1969-1971

I work at home, have 2 daughters (both now grown) grandma 2 times. Little Danny-9 months and Dylan-6 days old. Danny and I have been married going 19 yrs, been together 20. I am his 4th and last wife.

Danny is 100% P&T sevice-connected. Mainly due to PTSD and a total knee implant.

My advice to others is never give up. I am sorry but that is what the government wants you to do. Our vets are tired of fighting, so it is up to us to carry on this fight. Danny and I are active in many organazitions,but mainly in the VFW. We are both officers in our local Post & Aux,and at Dist. levels. Danny may be getting an appointed position at Dept level. Danny won 1st place at State this year for POW-MIA. That was quite an honor for us. (Besides Texas is a big state)

If I can be of help to anyone please e-mail me.

Donna Davis-Prusik

U.S.Navy, 4 years, U.S. Army 19 years(?)
Two tours in Vietnam

About me: Hungry for answers to everything that has to do with anything; reading researching all the time; short-timer married person (comparatively speaking...); also a survivor; craft freak; constantly busy; not/never have been a mother (except to my Nammer!); animal/nature lover.

About my vet: My husband had a PTSD meltdown January 2000 after a year of physical afflictions/accidents, and hundreds of employment applications that were conveniently ignored. He obtained his college education AFTER leaving the military and has three college degrees, a teaching certificate and only taught school 2 years--I'M VERY PROUD OF HIM in every way!

Questions: I'm sure they will show up eventually. If I had a computer a year ago and knew where to go then, I would have had hundreds!

Advice that may be helpful to others: Yes. I have been researching the differences between male and female genetic composition and have discovered some surprising information that has helped me understand my husband, and helped him understand himself. I have also read a lot (To me---don't know what that means to anyone else!)about PTSD/Psychology/the brain, etc.

Lisa Lane

Husband was in the Army from 1963-1970.
Served in Vietnam 1969-70
About me: Retired without pay from 17yrs working with developmentally disabled adults and children. {Got a little crispy,and needed a break!}
Today, I can't think of much nice to say about my vet. He was diagnosed with PTSD about 7yrs ago. It helped to put a name on that ugly, terrifying rage; but didn't make life any easier. Several yrs. ago, we adopted 3 special needs children after our daughter was almost grown. He is currently having an episode and has targeted the children. I am sooooo very tired. He was also diagnosed with ADD and OCD. He's better with meds, but habitually won't take them until he's just about ready for a trip to the farm! Then he'll take them for a while, until he can get it under control and then go off them. We've been riding a rollercoaster for 30 yrs. I'm tired and I'm worried about the impact this will have on our kids who already have alot of baggage to drag along with them. He refuses to really talk, he avoids treatment, he doesn't trust. And he scares the hell out of the kids when he gets like this. Shoot, he scares the hell out of me!!! Will this ever end? Somewhere underneath all that rage and destruction is a very sensitive, intelligent, humorous man. But today, I can't find him.
Obviously, I have no advice to offer!!!!!

Ruth What a good idea!!
branch of service your vet served in..... Marines
years he served....years in Vietnam..... 1966-1968
tell us something about YOU..... I am a desk clerk in a major hotel, the mother of two surviving children, and the grandmother of 15. I lost my youngest daughter in July. I have been with my Marine for 1 1/2 years. We are not married yet but hope to be in the spring of 2002. We live in New Hampshire. I would love to correspond with other wives and significant others who are dealing with the problems and emotions associated with this and other conditions associated with service in Vietnam and other conflicts.

tell us something about your vet..... My vet is a terrific man, but is 100% disabled due to chronic PTSD, and all that goes with it----nightmares, sweats, etc. He was awarded three Purple Hearts, Silver Star and Bronze Star. I think this says it all, except that he is a terrific person in spite of his challenges.

do you have any questions for others..... How do you deal with his "times" as my man calls them-when he withdraws and sleeps a lot?

do you have any advice that may be helpful to others..... Never give up fighting for them so they can get all they are entitled to. You DO have the right to be listened to and involved in their care.

Keep up the good work. All good thoughts and prayers for you and yours.
Ruth

Great idea. mvoelker

My vet was in Army - Vietnam 68-69
I currently work for the hometown newspaper as a reporter. Husband Dennis and I have been married 35 years. He was recently diagnosised with PTSD, and has suffered with Agent Orange for years. We spent 30 wasted years trying to figure out why he was the way he was. Finally got a great VA social worker who turned our lives around. The right person answered questions, and now we at least know what we are dealing with and can face it. Saddly enough tho she passed away last week and we will miss her terribly. The best piece of advise I could give any wife is don't blame yourself for your husbands behavior. You didn't do anything wrong, the war did. Seek out help for you both, don't take no for an answer. Good luck and tell your hubbies, Welcome Home and Thanks..

I AM HOPING TO KEEP THIS GOING FOR ALL OF US, SO WE CAN TALK TO EACH OTHER IN THE PRIVACY OF OUR HOMES. I WISH WE COULD ALL FIND A GROUP AND GET TOGETHER ONCE A WEEK, BUT MAYBE THIS WILL WORK BECAUSE YOU CAN E-MAIL SOMEONE FROM THE LIST WHO MAY HAVE THE SAME LIFE STYLE AS YOU, AND DISCUSS YOUR GOOD DAYS AND NOT SO GOOD DAYS WITH HER.

With hope of peace in our lives,
Marie, Editor of "Wife Line"